~FailedJuliet

I don't believe in God, and most of me still does not believe in me, but something happened tonight. It won't change most of my beliefs about the world, but I think I just might change my life.

I have been putting off an essay for a while, because as of late I have not found myself worth the bother, and gave up of myself. Earlier this evening, I was wasting time.

And then my internet stopped working, even though my signal was perfect and it said I was logged on. I started thinking about my mother. She passed away when I was a preteen, March 1998. And I thought about how sad she would be seeing me like this. And then I decided that I should do my essay, that I will look up some online research on the book I have to do a report on.

The internet started working again.

I am about three fourths done with my essay now. I still don't know if there is a god, I still don't know if it really is my mother who did this (though it feels almost certain). But I am very happy. I have been feeling so down on myself. I needed this.

Mama would have believed in me. And she still does. On mother's day our whole living room smelled like candles, even though we didn't light any. She's been wandering around.

I need to try now. I don't want to disappoint her.